MISS K-MAREE

The hardest thing I'll ever do in this life is tell my loved ones what I really think, reguardless if they hate me for it, or dont agree. Im tired of always being at the receiving end of lectures meant for someone else. Im so worn down from all the tears I'v shed because I cant handle the life I'v constructed around me. Im so entirely fed up with all the stories I have to keep in check and in control so no one will suspect my lies. Im sick of lying to the people I love. Im sick of staying  awake at night and mulling over what Im going to have to say to keep the peace the next day. Im so tired of making excuses for myself. Im completely and utterly fed up with looking in the mirror and hating myself, not for the appearance but for the reflection being of someone that isn't me, someone I dont even like or would ever care about if I met them on the street. I hate hating myself and sometimes everything around me. I cant stand the fact I loathe the people I love, and are so envious of them I have to eat to feel better and then hate myself for eating and then punish my body for something it had no control over. I dont know if I can remain sane for much longer. I don't know if I will be able to take the pain much longer. Its a cycle, that is so hard to remove myself from. I don't think I'll ever be able to. Im tired of thinking these thoughts. Im sick of wishing. I cant stand my own whinning. I hate that Im always complaining about something or sometimes everything. I dont know whats going to happen, but I really hope I can pull myself from the downward spiral of this cycle.