emotional rantings

...

I feel like my life is going no where.
I'm stuck in one place and everything just continues as it is.
Over and over again.
Doubts about everything I thought I wanted have begun to surface again.
Its how it starts... but this time I dont want to end up exactly where I started..
I lost everything I had because I didnt do it properly... the weight just came back...
What I was feeling didnt leave me after all, the voices were only muted in those moment I felt in control... those fleeting seconds I was happy with progress.
My issues are with what I work with nearly every single day... I cant stay this way.
I'm going to have give it up.
I cant stay this way... for myself and for those I love...
I dont want to feel like Im not good enough anymore...
like I cant believe anything anyone says...
Someone asked me what the nicest/best thing someone could say to another is...
The first thing I thought of was "I trust you"
I just want to be able to trust myself again... to have a little faith in that fact that Im not how I see myself...
I dont feel as alone I used to, and I guess that does help...
I had a dream this afternoon, I was held in darkness by L. He whispered something to me that no one has said to me in a long time...
it's all I'v been thinking of since I woke up...
I feel so alone right now...
All I want to do is curl up and sleep... sleep for a month maybe.
I hate not knowing... I just wish I could see myself through the eyes of someone else, just to see what I really look like...
I turn twenty tomorrow and have accomplished nothing...
I going to write my story...I have to escape for a little while...