Monday, April 8, 2013

There's a little place in the middle of my mind, it's a funny little place, and I wish you could see inside.
The door to the little place is hard to find.
You think you can see it and then it's gone, moved a little down the way, a little out of sight.
You can catch it, sometimes, when its guard is down.
The door to the little place inside my mind can be quite careless sometimes.
Once inside the little place in the middle of my mind, it's a little bit of a mess, you'll find.
There's book cases filled to the top the room, the books wear dust jackets covered in gloom.
There's a mantle peice above the flickering fire, it holds the framed pictures of my life long desires.
Right in the middle of all the impossible dreams, there is a picture of you, for any who can make it there to see.
The rest of place is a bit of a shambles, dust swirls in the light with every move, not much is taken care of in the little place in the middle of my mind, but your picture if pristine, it almost shines.
For in that little place in the middle of my mind, passed the elusive but careless door, you’re the only thing that is ever sure, the only thing that I totally adore.
In my little place, you're all that matters, not the thousands of books that line the walls, nor the dreams on the mantel piece.
In my little place, when I choose to dare enter, I always know that you'll be there, on the mantel piece, my one dream come true amongst all the gloom.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Under your spell again.
I can't say no to you.Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
I can't breathe but I feel...
Good enough,
I feel good enough for you.

Drink up sweet decadence.
I can't say no to you,
And I've completely lost myself, and I don't mind.
I can't say no to you.

Shouldn't let you conquer me completely.
Now I can't let go of this dream.
Can't believe that I feel...
Good enough,
I feel good enough.
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good.
And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.
Pour real life down on me.'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.Am I good enough for you to love me too?

So take care what you ask of me,
'cause I can't say no.
 
 

Thursday, January 26, 2012

And I would give all this and heaven too,
I would give it all if only for a moment, And it talks to me in tiptoes, And sings to me inside,
It cries out in the darkest night, And breaks in morning light.

All this heaven,
Never could describe such a feeling as I'm having,
Words were never so useful,
So I was screaming out a language that I never knew existed.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Mew Mew Meeeeeooooowwww

My tumblr isnt working... and Im not feeling very creative at the moment...so this post is a way to past the time until Kimberly gets here...
Tra-lalala-lalala
This is me playing Skyrim! I am cute Khajiit Dovahkiin... cute cute cute.
Though deadly! Beasties beware for I am going to get you and horde all your magical things - all the pretty gems, all the gleaming swords and weapons and mask - teheh.


The kitty above is Lachlan, my honeybun, my sweety pie.
 Love of my life.
This is him at work, making the bread to bring home the dough.
I just really want that Marshmellow Vodka I had a while ago again... yummy.
Also, I dont need a marshmellow, I have a comfy bed... also yummy.

Mew Showes.I wish I owned these...
The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn

Is Just to Love
&
 Be Loved in Return

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Surrounded

To dream that you get accepted and then wake up and find out youre not is a little heart breaking, even though you've known all along that you weren't going to get in in the first place.
It's a confusing emotion... Disappointment colliding with the notion of knowing... Im not surprised... Just a little down I guess.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Love.

I don’t feel anything but pity for her now. I’m happy now and have better friends than what she ever was to me and I’m so glad that the poison she injected into my mind and body and even my soul has been cleansed… I don’t wish pain or suffering on her or in her life, I just want her to see how much she hurt me and was in the wrong.
I wonder if she thinks about me… I hope she doesn’t. I never want to think about her or what she ‘taught’ me ever again.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Away, I must. Away, away.
i keep saying i have to things: save money, clean my room, lose weight, get a another job.
but nothing ever seems to happen.
i feel like im stuck in a loop.
going around and around and around and around in the same order of things.
everything seemed to be going great and changing for me a few months ago, but now its just another routine.
some things are great, id change only a few things to make things 'better'.
time to get my life together...

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Well you are the one, the one that lies close to me.
Whispers, "Hello, I've missed you quite terribly"
I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.
Now there's no place else I could be but here in your arms.
I miss you like the sun misses the flower;
like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter.
Instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to...

Monday, October 31, 2011

I
miss
my
long
hair...
wasted party. wasted night. stupid fight.
The worst thing that I've ever heard:
"I love you, but..."
It ripped my heart from my chest.
I know I was in the wrong, I couldn't see it at the time.
I was blind.
It wasn't that I was threatened, not in the slightest.
I trust with all I am and being a threat never even past my mind.
Comparisons, comparisons.
All my insecurities bubbled to the surface.
Nothing to do with feeling threatened, only a failure.
No matter how hard I try, how hard I suffer for it.
I can't lose it. I can't lose it!
So I lost my head and sense instead.
I still feel awful.
It's all on the surface again.
I thought it was buried deep enough.
It's all on the surface again.
I thought it was buried deep enough.
It's all on the surface again.
I thought it was buried deep enough.
It's all on the surface again.
I thought it was buried deep enough.
It' s all on the surface again.
I thought it was buried deep enough.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Exhausted after today

The ‘alchemy’ that writers use is drawn from feelings and experience.
This is the personal magic each writer has and that which gives a special, unique quality to their works.
Each writer has to learn to find the source of this personal style, and refine and virtually bottle it for daily use.
Style develops from constant practice and re-assessment.
Your style is what you, the writer, uses to transform facts, events, impressions or imaginings into the ‘gold’ of good writing.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Once upon a time when I was on the edge of destruction

...back when I was struggling with the thought that happiness did not exist for me.
There she is.
I found her.
Determination thriving.

"We mistake sex for romance. Guys are taught that pushing a girl up against a wall is romance. Sex is easy; you can do it with anyone, yourself, with batteries. Romance is when someone you like walks into a room and they take your breath away. Romance is when two people are dancing and they fit together perfectly. Romance is when two people are walking next to each other and all of a sudden they find themselves holding hands, and they don’t know how that happened."
-John C. Moffi

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I lay on my back on the cool of the floor.
My limbs, they are numb.
The Earth is lonely.
The colours now grey.
I close my eyes, and there you are.
It starts at that moment.
The smile on your face starts the thumping in my chest.
My ribcage vibrates to the rythm of the breathing from your lungs.
Your eyes, they set my heart on fire.
The warmth spreads to every inch of me.
My eye lids flutter, I cannot keep them closed.
I open them to colours I have never experienced before.
A smile parts my lips.
My fingers quiver and toes clench.
I ache for you.
This heart beat echoes through my chest and calls out your name.
The warmth pushes me from the ground and I raise to stand.
I inhale deeply as an echo reaches me from afar.
It's a heart beat matching my own.
I move toward this sound, each step the pounding quickens.
The Earth is no longer empty, I see you standing there.
Our eyes meet and the world falls away, the colours remain.
You pull me in, close and tight.
I can feel your heart through your chest, your breath against my neck.
I'm safe.
I'm happy.
You're all I need to feel these things.
You're all I need.

Some days I'm still fighting to walk towards the light

...and for a moment, for a moment I am happy. There are days when I'm okay.
And for a moment, for a moment I find hope. But there are days when I'm not okay and I need your help...
So I'm letting go...

Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Raven and The Dragon

He calms the beast within when she fights to be let free.
His gaze seals her wrath beneathe the surface.
She waits for her moment when the hold will come loose.
She waits for the moment to let go.
- I need you to know -
- I'm not through the night -
- Some days Im still fighting to walk towards the light -
- I need you to know -
- That we'll be okay -
- Together we can make it through another day -
-I don't know when but I know now -
- Together we'll make it through somehow -

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The awful moment you get to work and realize you're an hour early.
Bleh.
Oh well now I can chill and think about my latest novel project... If only I wasn't so sleepy.
I have decided to go dress shopping today, might take a trip out to DFO and ORION.
Let's see how I feel after work...

Waking up in a lonely bed is not fun, neither is falling asleep in one... I miss L all the time; is it possible to think of some one too much?

I say the most stupid things sometimes, I should learn to think before I speak... Cannot believe I said what I did yesterday. I think about it now and I have no idea why I was being so annoying...
Sorry Lachlan
xx


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

My Gravity - Weeping Wolf

Oh- Cast my eyes to the moon!
Could it be? You said...you loved me?
Unbelievable! Unsustainable! Uncontainable!
The words slip out seamlessly like silkworms...
could I hold them in the atmosphere a moment longer?
Clutching my hand at the wind, and they are gone...
Oh say my name, in so many ways,
repeat them, till I cannot breathe
because I kept my ears on just to hear your voice.
Oh- Cast my eyes to the sea!
What is this swelling here, in my heart on the shore? A storm?
Look at the height of the waves! Could it be, my gravity?
Claiming to be my moon, without you I would be up-side-down.
The most frightening thing is...I tremble you may be right.
Our bodies should not yearn so with so many stars watching...
Somewhere in history, an apple was bitten before it ever fell.
But whether it was before my heart's presence I can never tell.
For memory is ancient, but my love is a midnight pasture...
Ride with me on bare-back horses in the moonlight
Because I am bearing myself to you, my gravity
because without you, I would surely spin out of orbit!

My status this day last year:

"If ninja's can be accused of anything, its loving to much. Loving too death as a matter of fact."

It is now my status for today :)

i haven't blogged in a long time. things are much better, so much more busier lately, i haven't much time to linger on my thoughts, or to wollow in them. today while L and I painted the walls of his new abode, i was able to take a moment to think through a new story line. maybe this one will make it to published status; hopefully.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I Want/Need More Pictures Of Lachlan & I



When You Just Want To See Him But You Have To Stay Home And Make Cake With Your Sister

Lachlan,

I'd love to write you a song, and maybe one day you would learn the words and sing along.
My words kept mixing into mismatched sentences, lyrics of nothing that compared to our reality.
I've kept quiet for a while, my mind, she likes to confuse my priorities.
I wanted something for so long, but it took a single look at you to make me realise I don't need it.
I'd spend forever with you without it, because all I need is you.
I'd love to write you a song, and maybe one day I will.
For now I'll tell you a story, of some things between me and you.
I'd love to tell you how you make my heart dance against my ribs.
When your eyes grab mine and time slows to an almost stand still moment.
The brief moment your finger tips touch my face as you brush my hair from my eyes.
I'll never forget the taste of your mouth, or your warm breath down my neck.
Your fingers intertwined within mine.
The stupid laugh you make me do, even when I'm not in a particularly good mood.
You always make my day better.
I think back on clever things you say, and I pretty much smile all day.
I could go on for so much longer, I really could.
I'd love to write a song that you whistle the tune to,
Maybe one day I will.
Lovey Lovington.

Kaida & Brennen: The Dragon and The Raven

If nothing could make her happy.
If nothing could make him see.
 If neither of them could make sense of one another, if nothing could set them free.
Where would they be?
Where would it all lead?
Would he continue to sit in silence?
His attention laying else where.
Vengeance fueling his every thought;
his blood thick with hot hatred.
Could she hold back her instincts?
Keep her demons from destroying them both.
Her eyes hold no trust,
her flesh covered in scales the colour of green rust.
Her fragile wings sprouting from burdened shoulders, flimsy in comparison to his large mighty span.
In the dark of the night, he can clear his head.
In the heat of the sun, she commands her demons.
Together in the evening they can face their fears,
he takes her breath and she his heart;
without a second of doubt they promise never to part.
The dragon found her happiness beneath the ravens  strong wing.
The raven found his dark eyes opened to the dragons flare and he could finally see;
the passion shared between them,
could finally set them free.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I heard your heart beating; you were in  the darkness too.
So I Stayed In The Darkness With You.